From the Pocket Pema Chödrön

Have no expectations, just be kind

... He (my teacher Trungpa Rinpoche) said that being upset about Dan's binge was my problem.

"You should never have expectations for other people. Just be kind to them," he told me.

In terms of Dan, I should just help him keep walking forward inch by inch and be kind to him - invite him for dinner, give him little gifts, and do anything to bring some happiness to his life - instead of having these big goals for him. He said that setting goals for others can be aggressive - really wanting a success story for ourselves. When we do this to others, we are asking them to live up to our ideals. Instead, we should just be kind.

Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed

The strange and painful truth is that I’m a better person because I lost my mom young. When you say you experience my writing as sacred, what you are touching is the divine place within me that is my mother. Sugar is the temple I built in my obliterated place. I’d give it all back in a snap, but the fact is, my grief taught me things. It showed me shades and hues I couldn’t have otherwise seen. It required me to suffer. It compelled me to reach.

***

When it comes to our children, we do not have the luxury of despair. If we rise, they will rise with us every time, no matter how many times we’ve fallen before.

***

... the reality is we often become our kindest, most ethical selves only by seeing what it feels like to be a selfish jackass first.

***

Dear Sugar,

What would you tell your twentysomething self if you could talk to her now?

... You cannot convince people to love you. This is an absolute rule. No one will ever give you love because you want him or her to give it. Real love moves freely in both directions. Don’t waste your time on anything else.

Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room ...

The Diary of Anne Frank

How lovely to think that no one need wait a moment; we can start now, start slowly changing the world! How lovely that everyone, great and small, can make their contribution toward introducing justice straightaway. ... And you can always, always give something, even if it is only kindness!

The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance and the Art of Living by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman

The first rule of holes, goes the adage, is that "if you find yourself in a hole, stop digging". This might be the most violated piece of commonsense wisdom in the world. Because what most of us do when something happens, goes wrong, or is inflicted on us is make it worse - first, by getting angry or feeling aggrieved, and next, by flailing around before we have much in the way of a plan.

Today, give yourself the most simple and doable of tasks: just don't make stuff worse. Whatever happens, don't add angry or negative emotions to the equation. Don't react for the sake of reacting. Leave it as it is. Stop digging. Then plan your way out.

Only Love Today: Reminders to Breathe More, Stress Less, and Choose Love by Rachel Macy Stafford

ACCEPTANCE
Don't change, 
extraordinary one. 
You're gonna light 
up this place.

DON'T CHANGE, EXTRAORDINARY ONE

They say he's too quiet.
They say she's too inquisitive.
They say he's too energetic.
They say she's too sensitive.
They say these things thinking it will help,
but it doesn't.
It only causes worry and the pressure to conform.
The truth is, changing would be a tragedy.

Because when they say "too quiet",
I see introspection.
Don't change, thoughtful one.
You're gonna bring quiet wisdom to the chaos.

Because when they say "too inquisitive",
I see problem solving.
Don't change, little thinker.
You're gonna bring answers
to the toughest questions.

Because when they say "too energetic",
I see vitality.
Don't change, lively one.
You're gonna bring love and laughter to desparate times.

Because when they say "too sensitive",
I see heart.
Don't change, deep feeler.
You're gonna bring compassion to hurting souls.

Because when they say "too anxious",
I see caution.
Don't change, little protector.
You're gonna bring deliberation to tricky situations.

They might say change is needed.
I ask that they look a little deeper and observe a little longer.
From where I stand, these individuals are just as they should be -
On their path to bring the world exactly what it needs to thrive.

Don't change, extraordinary one.
You're gonna light up this place.

TODAY'S REMINDER
Today I will consider that "problem" characteristic in a new way.
Perhaps that weakness is strength in need of a little nurturing and some direction.
I will try to discover the strengths hidden in "problem areas" that one day might be a gift to the world.

******

I drop the ball.
I grump through my day.
I act without thinking.
But because I am an adult, no one calls me on it.

I say things I shouldn't.
I forget - a lot.
I stumble, and sometimes I fall on my face.
But because I am grown up, no one points fingers.

I eat too quickly.
I don't wait very well.
I don't always make the best choices.
But because I am big, no one corrects me.
Not even you, the one who sees me at my worst.

When I mess up, you don't keep track.
When I lose my cool, you don't send me to my room.
When I fail, you don't let out an exasperated sigh.
You hug me and say, "Everybody makes mistakes".

I don't give second chances like I should.
But you do.
You always do.
Even when I don't deserve them.

Happiness is a Choice You Make: Lessons from a year among the oldest old by John Leland

The British cultural critic Terry Eagleton writes that the meaning of life lies in learning how to form mutually enriching relationships, like musicians in a jazz ensemble, who create melodic openings for the other players by inventing melody lines for themselves. Love, he writes, “means creating for another the space in which he might flourish, at the same time as he does this for you. The fulfilment of each becomes the ground for the fulfilment of the other. When we realize our natures in this way, we are at our best.” This is perhaps a more aspirational spin on the Buddhist idea that love is wishing for the happiness of the beloved.

Msomi and Me: Tales from the African bush by Brian Connell

Lion Talk

Man has a major character flaw in being anthropomorphic when it comes to animals. It's difficult not to assign human character traits to animals, though, and I think we are all guilty of it. Me included.

On one particular morning, while driving down one of the gravel side roads, we came upon a lioness with four cubs. I would guess the cubs' age to be between 20 and 26 weeks. They were sturdy, plump, obscenely healthy little guys, still covered in their baby camouflage spots.

Four cubs with vastly different characters, even at that young age. There's the little wimp. You know .... The one who has to stay so close to mama that he runs the risk of being trampled, tripping over his own oversized paws as he trots alongside, stubbornly determined to be as close as possible.

Then there's the one who thinks he's really, really brave, but at the slightest alien sound, he's right there next to mom. When he feels the perceived danger has gone, he lags a bit, head held high, telling the world that he's in total control of his own destiny. Until a leaf blows across the road and sends him literally tumbling in terror towards the safety of his mother, all the while looking around with wide eyes, hoping against hope that he was going to survive.

Number three is the little adventurer. He weaves from side to side along the verges of the road, exploring, investigating, mock-charging his siblings and generally being a total pain in the butt. Occasionally, he'll receive a cuff from his mother for getting into mischief. But he's not down for long, our little hero. His irrepressible spirit soon has him rushing around, incredibly brave and almost dangerously inquisitive, searching for new things to experience.

Then we come to number four. This is the one with attitude! And I mean ATTITUDE.
He watches the Land-Rover approaching with slitted eyes and an impressive snarl. As the vehicle approaches, number one and number two are bundled close to mother, secure in the knowledge that she will protect them from the noisy, smelly "animal" that has suddenly entered their world. Number three stands on the verge, head cocked to one side, gazing in reverent awe at the sheer size of this monster coming towards him down the road. He's debating how he should try to get closer, discover which parts are the tasty bits when he successfully wrestles the new addition to the ground and single-handedly kills it. Quite impressive really for a youngster that probably only stood about 10 inches at the shoulder!

Number four looks disdainfully at the vehicle, turns slowly and with an impressive display of sheer arrogance, drops down to lie comfortably right in the middle of the road.
We stop of course.
He glances at number three as if to say "no need for violence, my mate, THIS is how it's done!"
We are, from that moment on, completely ignored.

Cats are cats! There's a saying that if you call a dog, it will come running to you to see what fun is in store. A cat on the other hand closes its eyes and asks that you leave a message, and it'll get back to you soon. If it feels like it!

Number four stretched, rolled, growled, snarled, stretched some more and generally had a rollicking good time in the middle of the road. After repeated calls from the lioness, he finally, and with very bad grace, got back on his feet and stalked up the road towards his mother. Slowly.
Angling back and forth across the  road to ensure that we couldn't get past. Only on his terms, did he finally relent and walk off into the bush without a backward glance.
Job done.
"I AM the king of the jungle, and don't you forget it!"